Monday, December 29, 2008

By The Way, Did I Mention I Have The Plague?

The weeks between Christmas and New Year's are the traditional vacation weeks for most folks in my company. Usually me, too, but I used all my vacation for the wedding and honeymoon in May, and my days do not roll over until March. Ick.

Anyway, there are a few consolation prizes for those of us forced to work during these two weeks:

Casual dress. (Oh, you have no vacation time, or nowhere to go for the holidays? Please, feel free to wear jeans to the office, that should make you feel better.)
2PM closing time on Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. (Woo-hoo!)
Company expensed lunches. (Double woo-hoo!)

Last Tuesday I was invited to a company expensed lunch along with 5 others: 2 VPs, 1 manager and 2 data enterers. Note: All 5 married with children. Yes, this is important to the story.

Conversation around the lunch table inevitably turned to how each individual and their family were spending the holidays. One of the VPs, who I feel comfortable joking with, announced that he and his family were going to Sanibel Island. The following conversation ensued:

Me: There's really no need to brag unless you have room for everyone at the table.
VP: There might be a way for you and Tim to get a free room.
Me: Really? How's that?
VP: Babysit my kids.
Me: I'll pass.
VP: Seriously?
Me: Yeah.
VP: Why?
Me: I don't like kids.

4 heads turned to shoot shocked and appalled looks at me. (1 was already looking at me.) Seriously. I may well have said, "By the way, have I mentioned I have the plague?" Or, "I highly enjoy murdering puppies in my spare time."

Jeez. It's not like I looked at each member of the table and said, "I don't like your kids. Your kids are obnoxious and annoying and shouldn't exist."

I was simply stating fact. I have a very low tolerance level for children between the ages of 1 and 8. I adore infants, and I think pre-teens and teenagers are a riot. That doesn't mean that I ignore children, or am mean to children. I have been known to push swings, give gifts, color, play tag and toss softballs. So what if these are not some of my favorite activities? At least I'm honest about it. There are plenty of people out there who don't like kids, and then have them and are bad parents.

Furthermore, I know plenty of people who don't like cats, and I am not at all offended by that. Even though I think it speaks volumes about someone's character if they don't like cats. Very suspicious, not liking cats. Very suspicious indeed.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Be Amazed, Be Astounded, Be Happy For Me

I've been doing an awful lot of writing, and that is why The Pickle Tree has been awfully neglected.

It will be one of my New Year's resolutions to learn how to manage both, but it the happy for me.

The bestseller may be on its way. (Of course, you are all in it, so I will be publishing under an alias and you will never know it happened, but I'll know and be rich and that's all that matters.)